


You're an absolute asshole.

by absofuckinlutely



Series: Malec meet-uglies [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Is So Done, Alternate Universe - Human, Amused Magnus Bane, Angry Alec Lightwood, M/M, Magnus Bane & Ragnor Fell Friendship, Malec, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-06 21:33:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18859540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/absofuckinlutely/pseuds/absofuckinlutely
Summary: The nerves this man had. Nobody in this world could afford being picky, especially not when you're queer. Alec overcomes with the feeling to tell the man how he feels about it, but okay wow, the man is really pretty.Or, the one where Alec is ranting about how his own description doesn't exist and Magnus is too amused to cut it off.Based on a prompt I found on tumblr:I overhear your list of impossible qualities/requirements you want in a person, so I feel the need to give you a piece of my mind but I’m realizing that I might fit your list as I argue





	You're an absolute asshole.

**Author's Note:**

> Uploading two works on one day? What has the world become to? 
> 
> It's a bit short, I know, but it doesn't feel right to make it longer than it is right now.
> 
> **Disclaimer**  
> Like always, I own nothing, not the characters nor the inspiration from this work. It's beta-read but I am sorry for any grammar mistakes, or mistakes in general.

Fire rose up in his stomach when he heard the man behind speak.

“Ragnor, please,” the man scoffed. “I am not really picky about girls, but if it were a boy, they had to be at least taller.” 

Alec rolled his eyes and took a sip of his coffee.

“Why tall?” The man, Alec assumed that that was Ragnor, asked.

“Because how else am I going to climb them like a tree?” Luckily, he could hide his scoff. “Obviously, they have to be well-build. A nice washboard, broad shoulders and a pretty, tight ass.” The man, Ragnor, did scoff.

“Shut up and let me finish my list,” the owner of the absurd-requirements-in-a-man list spoke. 

“He has to be beautiful, of course.” Alec rolled his eyes and murmured a silently _of course._ “High cheekbones, hmmm, a sharp jawline? Please, cut me. Oh and you know blue eyes would be wonderful, but after Will I prefer someone with hazel eyes, you know?” 

He could almost _feel_ Ragnor roll his eyes behind him.

“And personality wise? Someone who is all serious, because business? yes please. But they have to be really cute and nice when he’s relaxed and comfortable. Must have a perfect eye-roll, but blushed at every innuendo I will every make.” 

As if somebody like that existed! The nerves this man had. 

“Magnus,” Ragnor said. Oh, so the man was called Magnus? It didn’t really surprise Alec. “You do realize that nobody exists who has the appearance like that.” He supposed that Ragnor and him could be great friends. Both down-to-earth and serious. And Ragnor was totally right, there is no man in the world that is like that. This Magnus person must be really picky and he would probably not end up marrying a man like this, or anyone for that matter.

“Oh but my dear cabbage, you must be optimistic.” but not even he sounded convincing. “there must be someone perfect for me out there.”

Alec had enough of this. He closed his laptop and slid it in his bag. He heard the man gush further about the “perfect man for him” and the occasional huffs from Ragnor. He stood up and dumped his coffee in the trash and he wanted to walk out, but something inside him made him turn around and stalk towards the pair.

They sat into a booth, both on the opposite of each other. 

Ragnor saw him, but the man, Magnus, who kept talking didn’t. Ragnor raised a challenging eyebrow when Alec made eye-contact with him, but said nothing. Alec slid easily into the booth next to Ragnor, coming face to face with the picky man.

“You’re an absolute asshole, did you know that?” Ragnor barked out a laugh while Magnus seemed startled. “So you are never going to give a petite framed, blonde, blue eyed man a chance? Just like that? He could be the love of your life you know.” He didn’t notice that amused look on Magnus’s face as he continued his rant. “No no, instead you wait for some tall, dark and handsome god who might not even exist. I mean, who in the world from now is muscled, has hazel eyes, dark hair, is tall and as you described business-like without being fake? Those people don’t exist. And you’re just going to ignore every man who walks by just because they aren’t yo-” He stopped abruptly, realization settling in his mind.

He was tall. He had a washboard. He was muscled. He had hazel eyes. He must admit that he could be called handsome. 

“Oh,” He said, leaning a bit back into the booth while a blush spread itself over his cheeks. He fits right into the picture. He chuckled embarrassed. “I should go,” He said but Magnus opened his mouth, stopping him from going.

“Oh, darling, please don’t.” Alec could only nod and try to net let the effects darling had on him show. It kind of failed, though.

“I like this one,” Ragnor pitched it. “He’s going to keep you on your toes, Magnus.” 

He finally took a good look at the asian man in front of him, ignoring Ragnor. He immediately regretted bursting out even more. He couldn’t see anything from below the waist, but what he did saw, did not disappoint. The man in front of him had broad shoulders, his body narrowing when the hips came closer. Strong, thick arms that could probably strangle someone _really_ easy. And, okay, wow, his face. A strong jawline, high cheekbones, lips pursed into a playful smile, eyes twinkling with mirth and one eyebrow slightly raised as if to say: _I dare you to stay._ And all of those wonderful features were strongenth by the subtle amount of make-up. Kohl smeared around his eyes, his lips a dark shade of pink and what he believed to be highlighter letting his cheeks _glow._

“I am sorry if I offended you,” Magnus said as he leaned forward. “but also, not really,” he said, accompanied with a wink. Alec’s laugh came with way too much breath and too much nerves. “What’s your name, dear?” Oh, those pet names were going to kill him.

“Alec- xander.” 

“Alexander,” Magnus said, letting the name roll of his tongue in a sinful way. 

They didn’t notice Ragnor standing up and leaving, too captivated by their presence.

“Correct me if I am wrong, but I do believe that you fit my naughtiest dreams just right.” Alec bit his lip while Magnus leaned back into the booth. He hated how much distance there was between their body’s, their heads, their _lips._

“I- Uh.. I don’t think that needs correction.” He really tried, he did, but being smooth wasn’t in his dictionary, so the sentence came out wrong and too awkward.

“Has anyone ever told you how adorable you are?” He shook his head, a strand of his hair falling in front of his eyes. He raised his hand and just combed it through his whole hair, taking the strand with him. When he looked back at Magnus, he looked mesmerized. 

“Such a shame,” the man whispered. 

“What? Is something wrong?” Doubt took over his presence.

“No, no, of course not. You’re just really beautiful.” Alec tried to hid his blush in his neck by nervously rubbing it.

“Says you,” he blurted out not so charmingly. And even though it wasn’t subtle or smooth at all, Magnus smile was blindingly, as if it was a surprise itself that Alec complimented him.

“Why thank you, darling.” Alec lost himself in the amber colored eyes, shining with excitement. “I am not sure if you catched my name-” 

“Magnus,” he couldn’t help but pitch in, making sure that Alec knew _exactly_ what his name was. “And I am sorry.” Magnus frowned for a second, not sure why Alec was saying sorry.

“Please enlighten me, but why?” Alec’s knees shook.

“I snapped at you,” He said, fighting the blush. 

“You can snap me anytime,” Magnus said with a wink. 

“Snap at-” Alec said before catching up. He averted his eyes, smiling shyly.

“I think we’re going to have a marvelous time, Alexander,” Magnus admitted, more nervous than Alec had anticipated. He let his eyes roam over the man’s face for a second, trying to detect if there was a lie in his words, when he find none, he made eye contact. 

“I think so, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Comments, kudos, and criticism makes my day and I wouldn't say no to any of them <3


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